The Heartbeat Sound 4
by StereotypeA
Summary: Sakon, Jiroubu, Tayuya, Kidoumaru: The pop band known as the Heartbeat Sound 4. When rival rock group Team 7 challenge them to the Konoha Battle of the Bands, it's an epic musical showdown for the ages. Only one band can win, only one band can survive.
1. Making The Band

They were a long way from Konoha, and a long way from the Village of Sound. To be more precise, it was the Country of Fire Civic Auditorium. The Budokan, if you will. The best acts ever had passed through there: The Hokages, The Legendary Sannin, even the nine-man supergroup known only as Akatsuki. 

And here they were: The Sound Four, about to play their first important live.

"We're changing the name," Sakon said as he strode into the dressing room, a towel drapped over his other half.

"What the fuck's wrong with our name?" Tayuya said, leaning against the wall.

"Our leader doesn't like it because Kimimarou made it up," Kidoumaru said as he tuned his massive, 24-string double guitar with a grin.

"Hey! That's not it!"

"Oh yeah? Ever since he went on the Shinobi Idol show and left us, you've lost it."

"Shut up! It has nothing to do with him! Sound Four is a lame name, it always has been. It's small time, we need something big, something grand!"

"Like that hole in your ass, faggot?" Tayuya said.

Sakon rubbed his temples for a long moment, "Tayuya, shut up. Kidoumaru, shut up. Jiroubu, shut up."

"Jiroubu's not even here," Kidoumaru said without looking up.

"You're kidding me? We go on in ten minutes!"

"The fucking fat ass is still in the bathroom, I'll go get him," Tayuya said, putting her sticks on the chair and standing up.

"Be gentle! I don't need him breaking down before we go on," Sakon said.

"I'll be fucking gentle, don't tangle your pearls." Tayuya said as she strode off.

Sakon folded his arms with a sigh. "We'll stick with the sound theme so we don't have to change our stage show, but the name has to go."

Kidoumaru plucked on a few strings, "Sound of Rock?"

In the background, Tayuya could be heard slamming on the bathroom door.

"Nah...Sound Club 4?"

"...You serious?"

"Not really..."

"Shit or get off the pot, lardo!" Tayuya bellowed.

"Heartbeat Brigade?"

"What the hell does that have to do with Sound?"

"...Heartbeats make sound."

"I'm fucking serious! Don't make me fucking come in there! I will give you the fucking swirly of your fucking life, bitchtits!" Tayuya again.

Sakon paused for a second, "Heartbeats make sound..."

Kidoumaru paused and looked up at the band leader, "Uh..."

"Heartbeat sound..."

"Oh...don't..."

"Heartbeat Sound 4!" Sakon stood up quickly, his lips curling into a wicked smile.

"That's like the same name."

"It's a great name!"

"You've fucking killed everyone in the goddamn arena with the smell of ass, you tubby piece of shit!" Tayuya's voice again, followed by a loud smash, a girlish scream (not Tayuya's) and the sound of splashing water.

"You named us what?" said Tayuya, returning from the bathroom with a soaking wet Jiroubu. "That's the gayest fucking name I've ever heard. You're so fucking gay, you lipstick wearing pussy!"

"The name stays. Stop arguing and get ready to go on. Oh for...Jiroubu, stop crying! There's nothing more pathetic than a fat person crying! Tayuya, I told you to be gentle!"

"The lard wouldn't fuckin' listen."

"I-i-it's okay...I-I-I can still play, I'll show you g-g-guys how good I am!" Jiroubu said, tears streaking his face and snot leaking out his nose.

Sakon turned away, ignoring Jiroubu's blubbering. Honestly, a dead housefly would make the guy cry. But he was a decent bassist, and he put up with Tayuya's abuse, which made him indispensible. It had been a long, hard road from Sound Village, made even harder when Kimimarou left the group. He and Sakon had put the group together, gotten them off their feet and written all the songs. Without Kimimarou, Sakon was driving this ship all by himself. Sure, Ukon was there, but he mostly just hid in his back, emerging only for lives and the occassional groupie. Tuning everything out in his head as Tayuya yelled at him, Kidoumaru, Jiroubu, an ill-placed houseplant, God, the population of the Country of Fire, and the Honor Bar, Sakon closed his eyes. Tayuya. Loud, abrassive, abusive, destructive and alcoholic. Also possibly the most musically gifted member in the entire group. She could play any instrument known to man, and had sold out arenas playing the flute at a young age. However, she settled on the drums, the perfect outlet for her inborn hostility. Kidoumaru. His four-armed lead guitarist. He was genetically made to play guitar, his four arms doing the work of an entire string section. The prankster, the sardonic core.  
Jiroubu. The weak link. By far the least talented, but the tension between him and Tayuya added a special fire to the rhythm section and, if pressed to admit it, was the secret to their recent success.  
The lights flashed a few times as Sakon's eyes snapped open. Pulling the towel off his back, he tapped Ukon on the head. "Time to rock." Ukon sat up, his upper body emerging from Sakon's back. Sakon walked to the guitar rack and handed one back to the rhythm guitarist and fifth member of the Heartbeat Sound 4.  
"This is it..." Sakon said, addressing his troops. "This is the time of Heartbeat Sound 4"  
"That name is beyond gay"  
"Tayuya!"


	2. Live!

"The crowd is fucking dead!" Tayuya said, gesturing obscenely. "Our opening act was some kid and his little white dog doing tricks! Fucking stupid pet tricks!" 

Sakon sighed, slapping his forehead, "We need a real manager...not someone who sleeps in my back all the time."

Ukon's head perked up. "What was that? You got something to say, big man?"

"Nothing, it was nothing. Let's just wake these bastards up then. With the power of our song!"

"The power of our song? Are you serious, Nekki Basara?" Kidoumaru raised an eyebrow.

"...I'm under a lot of stress, leave me alone."

The house lights went down as the Heartbeat Sound 4 prepared to go on. The crowd waiting in darkness as a spotlight moved across the stage to the opening strains of Glued State (Naruto Soundtrack number one, Track 15). Then silence, follwed by the explosive pop of fireworks as the ground opened up beneath the stage. Rising slowly on a platform of earth, Jiroubu strummed his bass. The shrill sound of a flute played as a tree quickly grew from the ruined earth of the stage, Tayuya and her drum set balanced on top. She took the flute from her lips, twirled it in her hand and slammed it down to start the drum beat. Swinging down from above the stage on a silken spiden web, Kidoumaru flipped in the air and landed on his feet, already beginning to lay down the chords of the song. Finally, slowly strolling across the stage to the lone microphone that miraculously managed to survive the earthquake, Sakon and Ukon took their places to a chorus of teenage girl screams. Sakon grinned as he looked over the sold out crowd, "Are you ready to fall in love tonight, Country of Fire?"

"Gay, gay, gay," Tayuya said as she tapped the high hat.

The crowd's screaming reached a fevered pitch as Sakon contiuned his speech, "This one goes out to all the lovers out there! It's a little number we like to call...Genjutsu on my Heart!"

"Finding you...was an S-Class Mission Loving you...was an act of sub-mission Now I'm here, blinded by your eyes Every moment, a perfect surprise

Genjutsu on my heart!  
Illusion of mem-o-ry!  
Genjutsu on my heart!  
Mighty love in history!  
Genjutsu on my heart!  
A blinding mel-o-dy!"

Sakon threw his head back, narrowly avoiding smashing into his rhythm guitarist, laughing as the crowd chanted: "Sound 4! Sound 4! Sound 4" "I think they want some more!" Sakon said to thunderous applause. "You guys want some more?" Sakon took a deep breath, about to launch into "Kage Bunshin Lover" when he spotted an orange jumpsuit making its way through the crowd. Not just a jumpsuit, there was someone in it, the lead singer and rhythm guitarist of pop-punk sensation Team 7. Uzumaki Naruto. Behind him was the boy with the snowcone shirt, Uchiha Sasuke, lead guitarist. Followed by keyboard player Haruno Sakura and, most dangerous of all, Team 7's drummer, manager and agent all rolled into one: The Copy Musician Hatake Kakashi. Kakashi and Sasuke both had the uncanny ability to copy any song they heard, change it just enough to avoid copyright laws, and release it on the radio within a week.  
Team 7 pushed themselves to the front row, folding their arms and grinning mockingly. "Looks like we have some party crashers today," Sakon said as he heard Ukon flinch behind him. "It seems Team 7 are fans of ours." The announcement of Team 7's presence brought a mix of cheers and boos from the crowd.  
Naruto leapt up to grab the microphone from Sakon's hands. "We're just here to let everyone know that Team 7's single, "Rasengan Blues" just went Triple Platnum! And that we're not going to stop until we're number one and have driven you guys out of the business! That's our Way of the Ninja! We're going to be bigger than The Hokages"  
Sakon went to reach for the microphone but Tayuya had already knocked over her drumset and was running headlong at Team 7. She drove off the stage right into Naruto's chest, bringing him to the ground hard. Naruto poofed into thin air as three others piled on her. "Aw crap..." Sakon thought as he and Ukon split into two and the rest of Heartbeat Sound 4 leapt into the crowd.  
Jiroubu leapt from the stage with a big splash, landing on Sasuke as Kidoumaru wrapped all four arms around Kakashi in a bear hug. "Great...that leaves the girl for Ukon and me." Sakon thought before Sakura hit him with five kunai in the arm. Sakon grabbed his arm, reeling back, "My arm! My fucking arm! Who brings knives to a concert you crazy bitch"  
"Rasengan!" was heard and Tayuya went flying back to the stage. Sakon heard a crackle like a thousand chirping birds, two crackles actually. Seeing the microphone lying on the ground, he drove for it, screaming into it: "WAIT"  
The auditorium froze for a moment. "Everybody cool out for just one second! We can settle this in the tradition of John Hughes"  
Sakon got up to his knees, face-to-crotch with Kakashi. Kakashi raised the eyebrow of his one exposed eye, "Oh yeah? What's that"  
"A battle of the bands," Sakon got to his feet. "One month from now, a battle of the bands is going to be held at the closing ceremony of the Chuunin exams in Konoha. We meet there, fight it out with our music, and see who's really the best group of Ninja"  
Naruto sprung to his feet, his Kage Bunshin disappearing. "The Konoha Battle of the Bands? We win that and they'll make me a Hokage for sure! I mean, we'll become number one for sure, dattebayo"  
Brushing off his stylish onezie, Sasuke nodded, "If I win that, I will achieve more fame than my brother and Akatsuki." For out of nowhere a spot light appeared around Sasuke, "For I am an avenger...destined to walk this road alone..." Sakura said nothing as she stared at Sasuke adoringly, as she was really nothing more than a groupie with a keyboard.  
Sakon extended his hand to Kakashi as Sasuke's solliloquy ran on in the background, ignored. "We have a deal"  
"One month, Konoha Battle of the Bands." Kakashi said as he shook Sakon's hand.  
Sakon grinned, "This is it," he thought. "A chance to end this and prove that we can make it without Kimimarou. Once we completely crush Team 7, Heartbeat Sound 4 will have truly arrived." It was at this point he realized that Kakashi had been shaking his hand for two minutes and everyone was staring at him. Pulling his hand away like Kakashi was a poisonous snake, Sakon stepped back. "Uh...why are you guys still here? You wanna leave so we can finish our performance"  
He couldn't be sure if Kakashi was grinning underneath that mask but he simply shook his head, "Oh no, we paid for our tickets so we're going to watch the whole show"  
With an angry click Sakon climbed back on stage with the rest of his back as they started the interupted song back up. They played for two hours, with three encores, with Team 7 staring at them with unblinking eyes the entire time.


	3. Winners and Losers

After the show, the members of the Heartbeat Sound 4 sat at a booth in the Ichiraku Diner, contemplating their fate.

"We could be in serious trouble..." Sakon said quietly, sucking on his vanilla milkshake.

"A milk-fucking-shake?" Tayuya said. "You're a goddamn rock star any you're drinking a milkshake? What the hell?"

"Seriously, this Battle of the Bands is a big dead," Sakon said, ignoring Tayuya's outburst.

"It's just a contest, it's junior high stuff," Kidoumaru said, leaning back in his chair as he loosened the top of the salt shaker.

"No, it's a lot bigger than that," Sakon responded, his voice dropping low. "You guys remember InoShikaChou?"

"Can I take your order?" Their waiter sighed, hands in his pockets.

"Where's your fucking pad?" Tayuya said.

"Too much of a bother writing all that down. I'll remember."

"Hey," Kidoumaru grinned a little, crossing his four arms. "Aren't you Nara Shikamaru, the guitarist"  
Shikamaru's eyebrow twitched, "Uh, yeah."

"That is so funny! We were just talking about InoShikaChou!"

"Hey, I wanted to order..." Jiroubu began before Tayuya cut him off with a "Shut the fuck up and wait three goddamn minutes, you fat fuck. Boy, I guess I haven't had anything to eat in about an hour. Ever done that, lardass? Ever gone a whole hour without eating?"

"So," Kidoumaru went on. "You want to tell us what happened? Weren't you guys the biggest, baddest band in all of the Country of Fire?"

"That's...too troublesome."

"Really now? Cause I was just curious as to what could make you guys fail so much?"

"Kidoumaru..." Sakon said, a warning tone in his voice.

"Easy, easy, I'm just asking the guy a question. So, seriously, what made you guys such losers? I mean, you work in a freakin' diner."

Hands thrust into his pockets, Shikamaru yawned and started to slink away, "I'm gonna go take a nap. Yare yare, so troublesome."

Tayuya stood up, slamming her palms on the table, "Hey! You forgot our fucking order! Fatty here's gonna have a heart attack if he doesn't get something into his massive gut soon!"

A gust of wind swept all their hair back as a young blond girl with her hair at the bun appeared in front of them, holding a pad and pen with a huge smile plastered on her face. "Hello and welcome to the Ichiraku Diner, my name is Ino and I will be your server tonight. Can I start you guys off with something to drink?"

Kidoumaru threw up his four arms with a laugh, "I can't believe it! You're Yamanaka Ino, lead singer of InoShikaChou! That's amazing! Does the whole band work here?"

A sweat drop appeared above Ino's head in that magical fake way, "...Chouji's our chef. After we got out of the music business, we scraped enough money together to buy this diner."

Kidoumaru leaned back in his chair, grinning, "And why did you guys get out of the music business anyway?"

"Kidou! Stop! They're going to take a crap in our food!" Sakon said.

"Hush, she doesn't mind. Do you, little lady?"

Her eyebrow twitched a little in response, "There was a contest..."

"That contest wouldn't happen to have been the Konoha Battle of the Bands, would it?"

"Yeah...it was...Are you sure you guys don't just want to order?" Ino's face was like watching a pot of water about to come to a rolling boil.

"No, no, we'd much rather hear this."

"I'd like to order..." Jiroubu said.

"Shut up, fatty!" Kidoumaru and Tayuya said in unison. "Now," Kidoumaru said, lacing the fingers of all four hands together on the table. "How'd you guys become the biggest failure in ninja rock history?"

Ino slammed her palm down on the table, grabbing Kidoumaru by his shirt, "It's all Rock No Jutsu's fault! Those jerks showed up at one of our concerts and directly challenged us! We faced off in the finals and we gave the show of a lifetime! You should have heard us! We were amazing! And those stupid corrupt judges gave it to Rock No Jutsu!"

Kidoumaru waved all four hands in front of him, "Whoa, easy, easy, I was just asking a question."

Kuroko scrambled around behind Ino as pillars of fire erupted behind her, "And those stupid ungrateful fans didn't want anything to do with us after that! No, no, no! Shows got cancelled, our album fell down the charts! And Shikamaru just sat there staring at the clouds and Chouji just stuffed his fat face with chips!"

Tayaya grinned wickedly as Ino shook Kidoumaru violently, "Hey, didn't you have a solo album?"

With that, Ino's face became a bright red and she hoisted Kidoumaru up, throwing him across the room, smashing through another table. Throwing her pad to the ground, she stormed off, leaving a wake of destruction behind her.

"She isn't going to take our order, is she?" Jiroubu said, looking dejected.

Sakon leaned in, "I'll repeat this to Kidoumaru when he wakes up, but the thing we have to remember is this: The Country of Fire loves a winner. And it cannot stand a loser. The stakes here are big, bigger than ever. You saw what happened to InoShikaChou, this live could very well break us. We need to practice, and practice hard. We need to be the best, we need to completely crush Team 7, without a shadow of a doubt."

"Could we maybe eat first?" Jiroubu said, patting his stomach.

"Shut up, you walking sebaceous gland!" Tayuya said. "You're such a fat piece of crap! Maybe you should get together with the fat ass chef of this place--"

Tayuya's tirade was cut off by a loud roar as Chouji burst through the doors of the kitchen, wielding a meat cleaver. "I'm not faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!" he screamed, his eyes all white and his face distorted with rage.

The band quickly stood up. "Oh crap," Sakon said. "Run, run!" Dragging Kidoumaru's unconscious body behind them, the scrambled out of the diner, hotly pursued by a 300 pound former drummer swinging a cleaver. 


End file.
